11/22/2023 0 Comments Comet deep ocean waves![]() ![]() I cry another ocean and find myself in an endless cycle. my blood feels like the last sip of a coffee that no one will drink. my fingers feel like carrots at the end of a salad bowl no one wants to eat. my hollow chest feels like a tree that no one notices in a forest. I am a graveyard that no one comes to visit. I am the only remains from a skeleton sunken city. ![]() the layers of seaweed that will soon form over my lifeless body. if you ever need me I will be in the sand of the ocean as it is my new bed. it surrenders as the waves of the ocean try to mask my carcass. the pitter patter my racing heart as it gives its last bout. my lungs feel like they're about to burst like a grenade and my heart is about to give out. I find myself crying an ocean, except the ocean is absorbing my body and I find myself falling so deep in the ocean and I cannot breathe anymore. blood stains my blankets along with cigarette burns. my tears flood my pillows along with muttered screams and sobs. my head against my pillow and my body against memory foam mattress that absorbs my body as gravity pulls me down so I cannot move even if I tried. I peel myself off of the indented bathroom floor. warm surrounded by fluid makes me cold to the bone. the warm waterfall turns cold and I feel like I'm in my heart. I feel so comfortable here because it is the only time someone ever holds me. the indent consumes my body and holds me so tightly I do not feel the need to move. the indent of my body will always remain on my bathtub. having warm water flow over the top of my head like a waterfall, a waterfall I've cried so many times. the cold porcelain flooring against my naked body. on the countless trips to the hospital they put an IV through my arm filled with tears. grief fills my body and flows through my bloodline. ![]() I don't just cry rivers I cry oceans, I cry all seven oceans because sadness is something that consumes me. The phrase cry me a river of tears is never taken seriously. ![]() That is the pure moment I realize I am asleep, the wetness is beads of sweat on my forehead from the 16th night terror this week. The ocean gets more wet except the ocean is filled with sweat, sweat from running from all my problems. An ocean of happiness I can't baptize myself in. Walks they are- only my mind is not present and I can't control where I go, I can't remember where I go, im mindless. Either this or I go on walks to sooth my restless mind. I can not move I feel stuck in blackness. My conscious self is on earth, my body is on another planet. I can't move not because I'm asleep, its because sleep is what I am not. pitch black like every time I close my eyes. What I mean by blank is filled to the brim with pure nothingness. Blank isn't the right word, blank is white and unfinished. ![]()
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